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And given my brother’s criminal record and my mom’s pattern of what amounted to psychological abuse, I felt I could do that. And I probably would, even if he could promise me that there would be no report made of anything I revealed.“OK.”“One last thing before we wrap up. Do you go hunting for new sex partners?”I shook my head, “No, I don’t. In all honesty, I never really have. Back in High School, the girls brought them to me. In Sweden, and here in Chicago, they came to me in one fashion or another. I’m not Ted Bundy!”Doctor Bradford laughed, “I didn’t think you were! Your sex partners are all still alive!”“Except Birgit and Stephie,” I sighed.“Well, yes, but you didn’t kill them.”“True, though I’ve always felt a tiny bit of responsibility for what happened with Birgit. That somehow I could have done something differently.”“That’s a common feeling when a loved-one dies in a tragic accident. We talked briefly about you having survivor’s guilt, and wondering whether you could have. He lifted the wineglass to his nose and inhaled the perfumed mixture of the wine and her scent. He replaced the glass on the night table and glanced over the file, his picture, some poems she had written, a few of her more x-rated stories, and a ribbon tied bunch of letters he had never seen. To the best I ever had, My most visited regret is that I feel that I never properly let you know just how much you mean to me. You are my sunshine in the morning, the sweet dreams that make me want to sleep forever, and the only real friend I’ve ever had. If I were to take a deep breath most of what I breathe in is you. Every thing I write has a little bit of you in it, it more or less stems from me thinking about you. My heart is hungry for you all the time and its a feeling that will never be satisfied. This is what I have to feel, for the rest of my life. You know that I love you, right? Yours, Raven To the best I ever had, My rupturing heart tears at my blouse as it threatens to pound.
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